


All That's Beautiful Drifts Away

by perihelion_88



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Gen Work, The Marauders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 14:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12632691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perihelion_88/pseuds/perihelion_88
Summary: We knew, though she’d not said a word, that even the best of love must die, and had been savagely undone. - W.B. Yeats





	1. The Animagi

_Yet we, for all that praise, could find_  
Nothing but darkness overhead.  
-W.B. Yeats

**_Peter_ **

*

It started with a rat.

*

When he first morphed into a rat, Peter Pettigrew was disappointed. Weeks earlier, Peter and Sirius had found a stag in the middle of their dormitory. James Potter was everything his Animagus embodied – a noble, powerful leader. Just like a stag was the king of the forest so James was the king of their little band of troublemakers, the Marauders. Two days after that, Peter stumbled over a dog curled up on the floor at the end of his bed. 

“Maybe he should stay that way,” James remarked, cocking his head as he examined the shaggy mutt. “He’s much quieter.” 

The dog whined and pawed at his nose. Several seconds later, Sirius Black stood in its place, robes in disarray. “I resent that,” he retorted with an easy grin. 

James ruffled Sirius’s tousled black hair and then dodged out of the way of his lazy swipe. “What a good dog, Sirius,” he taunted.

Sirius shrugged before catching James off-guard in a headlock and planting a wet, sloppy kiss on his cheek. “Dogs are man’s best friend.”

James laughed and shoved him away, wiping the saliva off his cheek with the cuff of his robe. 

“What do you think you’ll be, Petey?” James asked. 

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly, “but I hope it’s as neat as yours.” 

Weeks later, he found himself eye to eye with the cracked black leather of James’s loafer. He could sense his whiskers flicking back and forth as his nose twitched and he was embarrassingly aware of his long, naked tail. It was bizarre, being an animal and yet, still being conscious of everything around you. Morphing into an Animagus was nothing like transforming into a werewolf where all your inhibitions were lost to rage and the pull of the moon. 

Peter’s first thought was, “I am a rat.”

His second thought was, “I’m a _rat_?” 

Disappointment was a bitter pill to swallow and his nose twitched in aggravation. He quickly morphed back into his human state and was relieved to find how easy it was to go between bodies. 

“What good is a rat?” he said bitterly, throwing himself down onto his bed like an angry child. “At least a stag and a dog can keep up with a werewolf.” 

“Rats are pretty fast,” James supplied helpfully from his perch by the window. “At least, I can never catch them when I find them raiding the pantry.”

“You’re small enough too,” Sirius pointed out. “It will come in handy when we need to get past the Whomping Willow. You can avoid the branches to press the knot.”

“Brilliant,” James said, looking at Sirius in surprise. 

“Why are you so shocked?” Sirius huffed.

Peter laughed at their banter and smiled; maybe being a rat wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

*

They argued for days. Between hushed conversations in the presence of one irritable werewolf and hastily scribbled words on pieces of parchment passed during classes, the boys outlined how to reveal themselves to Remus. James argued that they should show him the incredibly difficult skill they had mastered before the next full moon. He hoped by doing so, the transformation would be less painful and perhaps Remus would be less likely to lose his mind if he knew his friends were beside him. 

While James was the leader, Sirius was the one more likely to rebel. Disillusioned by his privileged upbringing in a family known for its involvement in the Dark Arts when he was Sorted into Gryffindor rather than Slytherin, Sirius had taken every opportunity that presented itself to drive the wedge between himself and his family even deeper. 

Sirius suggested just showing up in the Shrieking Shack as Animagi. “We spent the last few years working ourselves to the bone, studying everything we could about becoming Animagi on top of our regular coursework. What if this doesn’t work, James? What if we can’t handle him as a werewolf and all that studying was for nothing? If we tell him what we’ve done, if we get his hopes up that this is something we could do for him and then we can’t? That would destroy him. I can’t…I won’t do that to him, James. At least this way, if we do fail, Remus won’t remember anything in the morning.” 

If there was anything that Peter had learned in the years that he had known Sirius, it was that he was fiercely loyal to those closest to him. He kept pushing his side of the argument, citing Remus’s already fragile emotional well-being. Finally, like Peter knew he would, James relented; he could never say no to Sirius. 

*

**_Remus_ **

*

The four boys were seated around a table at the library after dinner, trying to work on their Potions essays on the ingredients of a Befuddlement Draught and its effects. It appeared to Remus, however, that Peter was the only one doing any actual work. He rubbed the end of his feathered quill along his chin as he flipped through his Potions book, looking for a list of ingredients. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Sirius and James with their heads bent over a piece of parchment that looked nothing like their essays. He frowned and the all too familiar feeling of loneliness washed over him. 

He had been worried half-way through their first year when they became aware of his absence once a month – his excuse that his mother was ill and he went home to see her once a month seemed to placate the boys, until they noticed that he always returned with bloodied bandages and bruises. He almost laughed in relief when Sirius asked, as seriously as an eleven-year-old could, if someone at home had been hurting him. But boys would always be boys and despite Remus’s claims that things at home were fine, he later found out Sirius had followed him and Madam Pomfrey out one night…to the Whomping Willow. 

James was the one who put it all together when they snuck into the Shrieking Shack a few days after and discovered the blood stains and the claw marks. It didn’t help that they were studying the phases of the moon in Astronomy. 

They had seemed to accept him more than willingly, even going as far as to joke about his time of the month and how moody he got in the days leading up to it. Sirius especially seemed thrilled to add something else to his list of ways to piss his parents off – becoming best friends with a werewolf. 

Things were fine until they had left for the summer. When they came back, though, sometimes the boys appeared more distant. The rest of the Marauders tended to go off together once in a while, seeking privacy in one of their secret meeting rooms, leaving Remus behind. They always claimed they were doing something illegal that he wouldn’t approve of, but it still stung that they didn’t think to include him. Over the next three years, they would go off together, citing dangerous and illegal activities. It didn’t happen frequently enough for him to become overly concerned. They still included him in everything else, acted like the band of brothers they were – bound together by a magic that ran deeper than blood. Things were fine…until recently. It was like they were avoiding him and talking about him behind his back. They would stop whispering when they saw him approach, giving him exaggerated smiles. 

_What were they hiding from him?_ He had long since abandoned his Potions essay, and now his quill was clenched tightly in his hands as he began to panic. _They couldn’t leave him, could they?_ They had to share a dormitory so he didn’t think they would just decide to not be friends with him anymore. Then his thoughts turned darker… _what if they were planning on exploiting his secret?_ But no, he reassured himself, because they had known for years. Why would they do anything about it now? He didn’t think he had done anything to upset them. 

His frustration was bubbling and he felt like a tea kettle, ready to blow steam out of his ears. Their avoidance of him hurt more than he would care to admit, because these boys had become his best friends and he wasn’t sure what he would do if they didn’t feel the same about him.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Why won’t you tell me what you’ve been talking about?” Remus demanded.

The boys’ heads snapped up in surprise at his outburst. James blinked slowly for a few seconds before he smiled, steady and reassuring, which did nothing to soothe the anxiety running like livewire through Remus’s veins. He could feel his heart thrumming in his chest, a staccato beat thumping against his ribs. He thought he might vomit. “Don’t worry about a thing, Remus.” 

But Remus was prone to worrying and when James said, ‘don’t worry,’ before they pulled a prank, well, that usually meant there was something for him to worry about. Remus narrowed his eyes but before he could reply with something stupid, his mind clearly not thinking outside of his panic, Sirius wrapped his long fingers around Remus’s bony hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

Remus mashed his lips shut and sighed. Using the heel of his hand, he pushed his hair across his forehead and out of his face in frustration. Taking a deep breath, he said what had been weighing heavily on his mind for the last few days.

“You aren’t leaving me, are you?” he mumbled meekly.

“What?” Sirius yelped, attracting the attention of the librarian, Madam Pince, who was glaring at them as she made her way towards their table. 

“There will be silence in my library,” she hissed. “I don’t even want to hear a whisper out of you, or you will leave immediately!”

“Sorry!” Peter squeaked, earning himself another glare. He shrunk in his seat under her piercing stare and picked up his quill quickly, pretending to work on his essay. 

Sirius watched Madam Pince walk away and when she was preoccupied reprimanding another student, he turned to Remus. “How could you even think that, Remus?” He looked hurt at the accusation.

Remus picked at a stray thread dangling from his robe sleeve and shrugged. Looking up to make sure Madam Pince wasn’t near, he muttered, “You guys have been acting weird for a long time now…going off together, passing notes. Then lately you’ve practically been avoiding me. Did I do something wrong?” 

“Remus, no,” James whispered, horrified. “We never meant to make you think that. We’ve been…” he trailed off, looking at Sirius, who nodded. He continued, “We’ve been working on something for you, an experiment. We don’t want to tell you about it in case it fails…we don’t want to disappoint you.”

Remus was ashamed that he would doubt the love and loyalty that had brought these four boys together in the first place. They had done nothing but support him since they discovered his secret. 

“Remus?” Sirius murmured. 

Remus’s breath hitched in his throat when he turned and realised Sirius was inches from his face. He could see the flecks of blue and green in Sirius’s steel grey eyes that were staring at him intently. 

“Are you listening to me very carefully?” Remus nodded without hesitation. “Good. Remus, if you ever think we would just up and abandon you, I will hex you into next week. What we’re doing…we’re doing this for you, all right? You’ll find out soon enough. I promise.” 

Remus averted his gaze, unnerved by the serious tone of Sirius’s voice. “All right,” he replied, his voice wavering. “I’m sorry,” he added. He looked up at all of them and saw they were all staring at him, no hint of remorse or regret on their faces. They meant what they said – they were doing this for him, and he would just have to deal with it until he found out what had been keeping them away from him.

*

He didn’t have to wait long. Three days later, he stood inside the Shrieking Shack staring forlornly out a dirty, smudged window at a full moon. His clothes were folded neatly on top of an armoire, out of the way of sharp claws and an insatiable hunger to destroy everything in this prison. Except it was not the shack that kept Remus a prisoner, but his own body, a slave to the pull of the moon. He bit back a sob as he felt his bones crack and reform. He doubled over, dragging his fingernails sharply down his arms as his mouth opened in a silent scream. He hated this part, hated it almost as much as losing his mind to that of the werewolf. He fell to his knees and cried out in agony. That was the last thing he remembered. 

*

Remus woke the next morning, disoriented and sore, but he was more surprised to find that he didn’t feel as painful as he usually did. He blinked wearily against the hazy early morning sun and looked down at his body. 

“Oh!” he exclaimed. His skin was mottled with bruises, as usual, but there were hardly any claw marks. The werewolf lost its mind with rage when locked inside the shack and it usually took its anger out on Remus’s body. 

He heard a small moan and he whipped his head around to find its source. He found Sirius curled up in a ball in the far corner, dried blood under his ear from what appeared to be a deep cut. 

“Oh no, oh no,” he whimpered, stumbling to his feet and rushing over, only to fall down to his knees again once he reached Sirius. Remus’s hands fluttered nervously, rushing to touch every part of Sirius he could, making sure he was breathing, was alive. “Sirius?”

The boy groaned and tried to burrow under his arm. Remus shook him, gently, forcing him to wake. “Remus?”

“Oh, Sirius!” Remus cried out, exhaling loudly. “What the hell is going on? What are you doing here? Are you okay?” he spat out rapidly. 

Sirius yawned loudly and rolled over onto his back, leaning on his elbows so he could look at Remus properly. His face split into a wide grin. “It worked!” he exclaimed, his eyes perusing Remus’s mostly uninjured body. 

“What worked?” Remus asked in annoyance. “You shouldn’t be here! I could have killed you. Did I…” he swallowed hard, his fingers pressing feather-light touches along the already scabbing wound behind Sirius’s ear. “…did I hurt you?” Remus was horrified and felt sick to his stomach; the weight of what he had done suffocating him.

“No!” Sirius yelled, gripping Remus’s arms tightly, shaking some sense into him. “Well, yes,” he admitted, “but I wasn’t a human. It’s okay, Remus.” 

“What do you mean you weren’t a human? I hurt you,” he cried. 

Sirius grinned sheepishly. His fingers tangled in the curls of Remus’s hair at the nape of his neck and he pulled Remus closer, resting his forehead against Remus’s shoulder. “We did this for you, Remus,” Sirius mumbled into his naked collarbone. 

“I don’t understand,” he whispered. 

The floor creaked behind him and he turned his head sharply, finding James and Peter standing there, brilliant grins on their faces. Then just as suddenly as they were there, they weren’t. In their places, a stag stood proudly with a large, grey rat at its feet. He felt Sirius’s body move away from him and when he turned back to the boy he was kneeling in front of, his fingers got caught in the dirty, matted fur of a dog. 

“Impossible,” he breathed, looking at them in astonishment. 

James was the first to turn back into a human. “Do you like your surprise?”

Remus shook his head. “I still don’t understand…why?” He tilted his head in confusion. The dog whined and nudged his hand, begging him to continue petting it. He was staring right into Sirius’s grey eyes, it was unsettling. 

James came to sit beside him and Peter followed. Remus looked up suddenly. “Madam Pomfrey? She’ll be here soon, you’ll be in trouble.” 

“It’s still early,” James reassured him. “She’ll be down in another twenty minutes. We’ve timed everything perfectly.” 

“We did this for you, Remus,” Peter explained. “This way we could be with you when you are a werewolf.” 

“But, how?” Disbelief coloured his tone. “You’re Animagi. That’s…that’s extremely difficult.”

Sirius turned back into a human and the look on his face was positively gleeful. “We’re brilliant,” he declared. 

“It took us nearly three years to master it,” James admitted. 

“You’ve kept this a secret from me for three years? Even you, Sirius?”

“Hey!” Sirius exclaimed. “I’m excellent at keeping secrets.”

“It’s why you’ve been going off together, why you had been avoiding me lately, right?” Everything had begun to fall into place and Remus felt relieved that this was nothing like he had imagined.

But then disjointed memories ran like a film reel in his head. He remembered the feel of cool grass beneath his paws, the deep, musky smell of the forest. “Please tell me you didn’t take me out of this shack last night,” he begged, eyes widened in shock. 

“It was easier to control you out in the open,” James replied, as if it was no big deal. “You weren’t as angry.”

Remus could feel an angry flush spread across his chest and neck. “I could have killed someone, you fools!” he yelled. “What if you couldn’t control me? How could I live with myself?” 

He panicked and Sirius moved to wrap an arm around his shoulders to comfort him. Remus shrugged him off and stood up, pacing. “No! What were you thinking? I can’t believe…oh my god, I can’t believe you did this.” 

The boys glanced at each other in silent communication. It was James who spoke first. “We’re going to head back to the dormitory, okay, Remus? Madam Pomfrey will be here soon. We’re just going to let you calm down a bit. Then we’re going to talk about last night, okay? Everything is fine, Remus.” 

Remus nodded stiffly and turned his back on them, blinking back tears of anger. He found his clothes unharmed where he left them and slipped his trousers on carefully. He left his shirt off for now, knowing Madam Pomfrey would have made him take it off anyway to check for wounds. He could hear the quiet creak of the door being opened and his friends’ hushed voices as they disappeared down the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow. 

He released a watery sigh as he slid down the wall in the corner and buried his head in his hands. He felt silly for getting so worked up about it. He should be thankful, he told himself, that his friends were so dedicated and loyal to him. They could have gotten into a lot of trouble for what they did for him. They also could have died in their attempts to become Animagi. Remus read about them, studied them extensively for his classes, but never in a million years did he anticipate this. 

His best friends were insane; there were no other words to describe them. The anger took over quickly, overwhelming his appreciation. His emotions were still tied into the rage of the werewolf. He could have killed someone last night. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. They hadn’t warned him of their plans; he had no way to predict what could have happened. They were lucky nothing did happen. 

He heard the door again, the sharp creak and the low groan as the door slid across the uneven floor. The slow, even footsteps of Madam Pomfrey as she made her way through the shack sounded like a death sentence. Did she know what happened last night? Would they expel him if they found out? 

She smiled sympathetically when she saw him. “Let’s see the damage today, Mr Lupin,” she said, crouching down in front of him. She twisted him back and forth, poked the bruises blossoming on his abdomen and raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “You look great today,” she replied in surprise. “Do you feel well enough to go straight back to your dormitory?”

“Yeah,” Remus muttered, pushing himself to his feet. “I’m fine.” 

“I’ll say,” Madam Pomfrey remarked. “Whatever you did last night, keep doing it. You hardly have a mark on you.”

Remus didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. Instead, he thanked her for checking on him and followed her silently through the shack and the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow until they emerged out onto the grounds. He trailed slowly behind her as they got to the double front doors that opened to the cavernous Entrance Hall. Remus felt like there were a million stairs between him and the Gryffindor common room; he waved goodbye to Madam Pomfrey on the first floor and then continued up to the seventh.

He stood in front of the Fat Lady for a few minutes without saying anything. She huffed impatiently. “I’m not getting any younger!” she exclaimed. “Password?”

“Murtlap,” Remus responded. 

The Fat Lady’s portrait swung open, allowing him entrance into the common room. It was still early enough, and on a Saturday no less, so there were only a few students in the room, playing chess or chatting by the fire. He didn’t see the remaining Marauders so he trudged up the stairs to the Fifth Year boys’ dormitory. 

“Hey,” he muttered awkwardly when he opened their dormitory door. He noticed Sirius had showered, his dark hair stuck to his forehead, and all the dried blood gone from his neck. 

“Look,” he sighed, “I’m sorry for how I reacted. I can’t believe that you did this for me. But you have to understand where I’m coming from. If I had bitten someone, if something had gone wrong, everyone would know what I am. I can’t risk being expelled from Hogwarts. This castle is my home - it’s our home - and I think you can understand how I would feel if I could never come back. For the first time in my life, I’m surrounded by people who don’t know the monster that I am and can’t shun me for it. And you…what would I do without all of you? You accepted me for what I am, no questions asked. And now you do this for me…it’s just overwhelming.”

“I thought about telling you,” James said. “Before we even did it.”

“I probably would have told you ‘no’ if you had,” Remus admitted. 

“You were great last night, though, Remus,” Sirius added. “I mean, you were a little wild when we were all in the shack, but once you got outside you seemed to have fun. At least it kept you from mauling yourself.” 

Remus smiled. “Yeah, I feel great this morning. But…I’ll always be worried about hurting people.” No matter how nice it was to not have to spend the morning in the infirmary, if he hurt someone, if he forced this curse on anyone else just because he wanted a little bit of fun, it would kill him. 

“That’s what we’re there for,” James replied. “We kept ourselves mostly in the forest away from the town. You wandered a little bit but Sirius and I managed to keep you under control.”

Sirius shuffled over to Remus and wrapped his arms tightly around him, and then he pulled back just enough to look him directly in the eyes. “Just say the word, Remus, and we won’t do it. But we all agree that it would be good for you.” 

Remus swallowed past the lump in his throat and squeezed Sirius, smelling the pine fresh soap and subtle undertone of boy that was distinctly Sirius. “I…thank you,” he mumbled. “You are all the very best of friends I could have ever hoped for.”


	2. The Marauders' Map

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can be Flea-bag."

**_Peter_ **

It had started when they were in their second year; half-illegible words scrawled between carefully constructed blueprints in the corners of parchment when they should have been taking notes. A little note about a secret meeting room. A message about the discovery of a hidden passageway. It began as a way to plan and execute their infamous pranks without anyone prying or trying to stop them. Then Remus started ripping their messages and diagrams off the parchments of notes and saving them for future reference. 

It was Sirius who had come up with the idea to compile all the information they knew into a map. Every room, every passageway was carefully drawn by his steady hand. It was tedious work. They took to carrying spare bits of parchment in their pockets to make notes of rooms they passed, what staircase they took to get there, and then passed that information along to Sirius, who worked magic with his quill. 

That first night the boys had morphed into their Animagi forms to help Remus with his transformation, Peter found himself dashing with ease between the whipping branches of the Whomping Willow to press the knot that would immobilise the thrashing tree. Peter was thrilled to realise the potential for his Animagus, being small enough to disappear into the shadows would prove to be a valuable asset. 

*

Peter scurried along, quietly and out of sight. He was comfortable here in the dark and dank dungeons of Hogwarts. It was the perfect place to blend in as a rat. He made one last turn and ran along the edge of the corridor, stopping once to remember where he had come from, before following another corridor back towards the stairs. 

At the foot of the stairs, he paused and looked around to make sure there was no one nearby and then morphed back into a human. He dashed up the stairs to the ground floor and proceeded to make his way up the marble staircase towards the Gryffindor common room. Bursting into the dormitory, he took the boys by surprise but the wide, ecstatic smile on his face put them at ease.

“I’ve done it!” he exclaimed. “I’ve got the last of the dungeons done. We can finish the map.”

Sirius whooped in excitement and jumped off his bed to pull the map out his trunk. James patted Peter’s back in congratulations and commended him on his dedication as the four of them stood around Sirius’s small desk. 

“Put a corridor along here,” he said, drawing a line with his finger. “There are three rooms along here – two here, one here. Storage.”

Sirius drew rooms and corridors, following Peter’s descriptions accurately. When he was finished, the boys looked at the map in amazement. They had finished documenting the grounds last week – having been able to discover every nook and cranny while roaming around as Animagi – and now they had mapped out the final corridors of the dungeons. The map was complete. 

“I can’t believe it,” Sirius breathed, staring at his masterpiece. “It’s beautiful.”

James looked at Sirius strangely. “It’s a map, Sirius,” he said. “Do you want some alone time with it?”

Sirius gave James a mock glare before elbowing him in the gut. Peter shook his head in exasperation, but he too felt a strange thrill, a giddy restlessness now that the map was complete. It was beautiful, and it was theirs. 

But then Remus tilted his head and looked at it and he said, “Well, what do we do with it now?” 

James and Sirius stopped wrestling and stared at Remus as though he was a two-headed dragon.

“What do you mean what do we do now? It’s a map. It shows every room, corridor and secret passageway in Hogwarts. We can use it to sneak out of the castle and plan pranks without anyone eavesdropping!” 

Remus blushed and stuttered when he first began to explain how he understood what the map was for, but still, he felt a sort of incompleteness to it, as if something was missing. The boys stood around and stared at it, trying to figure out what they could possibly add. 

“Do you know what would be wicked?” James mused, his eyes all squinty behind his glasses the way they got when he was thinking really hard about something. He expanded on his thought, “If the map could tell us where everyone was in the castle at any given time. Not only would it show us the secret passageways, but we could avoid Filch if we’re out of bed, we could use it to easily find Slytherin targets…”

“Yes!” Remus cried out. “That would be brilliant. I think I could do it.”

“Really?” James asked excitedly.

Remus was nodding his head. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll have to do some research…we might have to cast quite a few charms, but I think I can figure something out.” 

“We also need to find a spell that will hide the ink but could reappear maybe with a password? We don’t want just anyone to be able to see it,” Sirius added in.

Remus was furiously writing down notes. “I think I read about something similar to that. I can’t remember which book it was though,” Remus replied. “I’ll have to do a lot of research.”

“I’ll help,” James offered. “It was my idea after all.” 

“Yeah? All right,” Remus said, looking down at the parchment in his hands. “Want to take a stroll to the library, then?” 

“We’ll all go,” Sirius added, glancing quickly at Peter, who nodded his assent, eager to help. “Between the four of us, it won’t take nearly as long.” 

The excitement between them was palpable; James’s hands were shaking with adrenaline and Sirius was grinning stupidly. They were really going to do this. They were going to create a magic map that no one had ever seen the likes of before. 

They were going to be legends. 

*

**_Sirius_ **

*

Sirius was not known for his patience. He was used to getting everything he wanted when he wanted it, even if it meant angering people in the process. So the fact that it had been _weeks_ since they first started researching spells to turn their ordinary map into something extraordinary was starting to grate on his nerves. James and Remus had been brilliant so far, he wouldn’t deny them that, but there were still some kinks they couldn’t quite figure out. The map would show some students but not others, or some students would appear twice…in two separate places. They had already figured out how to track the students and staff on the map.

They were hidden in an unused classroom on the fourth floor, piles of books surrounding them. Nothing in the book he was reading seemed to be worth a second glance. He slammed it shut and tossed it into the ever-growing pile of discarded books. 

“What are we doing wrong?” he demanded. He bit a hangnail off one finger while running his other hand through his hair in frustration. The boys muttered amongst themselves but no one had a definitive answer. 

“Wait!” Peter exclaimed. “I think I might have found something. Try this,” he said, shoving the book in front of Remus, his stubby finger pointing out a passage. 

Remus raised an eyebrow as he read and said, “I don’t know if it needs to be more specific though.” He shrugged. “But it couldn’t hurt to try it.” 

He pulled his wand from his robes and grabbed the map from the centre of the table. He waved his wand in a complex pattern and muttered, “Sciens omnia.”

They watched and waited with bated breath. Floating dots began to whip across the map, names began appearing and Peter let out an excited squeak. “I think it’s working!” 

“This is absolutely incredible,” James said in awe. “Look – there’s Filch!” He pointed towards a dot skulking through the dungeons. He barked a laugh. “And there’s Snivellus sitting all by himself at the library!” 

Sirius felt a surge of pride as he watched his friends’ delighted faces. They did _this_ , created something so magnificent and brilliant, together. 

“We need a password,” James reminded them all. “Has anyone thought of anything?”

Sirius felt his lips curve up in a grin. He had spent many nights thinking of a password, actually, and he was excited to share his thoughts, eager to meet their approval. “I was thinking that in order for us to read the map, we should say, ‘I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.’ Then when we want to make the map disappear, we could say, ‘Mischief managed.’” 

James laughed, hearty and loud and reached across the table to ruffle Sirius’s hair affectionately. “That’s perfect.” 

“We should call it The Marauders Map,” Peter suggested as Remus muttered some spells for the password. 

“I’ll do that!” Sirius said, grabbing a quill and snatching the map from Remus. Sirius was always proud of his calligraphy. Years of tutelage under his mother’s watchful eye ensured that Sirius had impeccable handwriting. 

“We should put our names on it,” Remus proposed as he watched Sirius title the map. 

Sirius was trying to rub off the ink he smudged on his fingers with the hem of his robe when he asked, “What about nicknames instead?”

“We don’t have nicknames, Sirius,” James pointed out. 

“We could make them up right now. I always wanted a nickname. Something only your closest friends would know.”

“We’re the only ones who know that we’re Animagi,” Peter said. “We could have nicknames based on our animals?”

“James can be Buck!” Sirius joked. 

“You can be Flea-bag,” James shot back with a saccharine smile. 

“Prongs,” Remus said suddenly. He motioned to his head. “Your antlers.” 

James nodded. “I like it,” he said. 

Sirius did too, but he didn’t want to tell Remus that. He chewed absently on a fingernail, or what was left of one since he had mostly chewed them all to stubs, as he tried to come up with creative nicknames. 

“Wolfy? Raging Beast? Moony?” he tossed out some ideas randomly. 

“I like Moony,” Remus replied quietly. The boys agreed it was a fitting name considering Remus’s life revolved around the cycles of the moon.

“What about for you, Peter?” James mused. “You’re a rat. You could be called…Ratty.” 

Sirius coughed to cover up his snort of laughter. “How clever.”

“Like Wolfy was?” James retorted. 

Sirius scrunched his nose up in irritation before kicking James under the table. 

“For goodness sake!” James exclaimed. “Why are you always beating me up?”

Sirius grinned salaciously and waggled his eyebrows. “You like it, Prongs,” he said, slipping in James’s new nickname, finding it slid off his tongue with ease. “Don’t deny it.” 

“You guys are disgusting,” Peter said, throwing a ball of parchment at Sirius’s head. 

“And you still need a nickname! Do we have any more obvious statements to make?” Sirius asked, rolling his eyes. “You could be Naked Tail.”

Remus choked on his laughter. “Honestly, Sirius, where are you coming up with these names?”

“I’m a genius with words,” Sirius replied casually. A light smile played on his lips for he was glad that Remus seemed to be lighter these days, less consumed by the darkness of his disease, now that he knew the truth behind their absences. He was horrified to think that they had acted that way, knowing it wasn’t intentional that they had isolated him. 

“His tail kind of looks like a worm,” James said. “What about Wormtail?” He looked to Peter for his approval. 

Peter responded, “Better than Naked Tail.” 

Sirius shrugged it off with a laugh. He loved this casual banter between the four of them and enjoyed their easy friendship. It was hard when he was first Sorted into Gryffindor; being a Black was all he knew, and it was expected that he would be Sorted into Slytherin. He was so reserved and for the first time in his life, he wasn’t the confident, cocky boy he had always been. But the boys were persistent, especially James, and they were able to drag out the rebellious, rambunctious boy kicking and screaming. His parents hated them all for it. 

Remus nudged him under the table, knocking him out of his musings. He looked concerned but Sirius just shook his head and offered a reassuring smile. “So,” he said, breaking the silence, “I still need a nickname.”

James looked at him innocently. “What’s wrong with Flea-bag?” 

“You kind of look like the Grim,” Peter supplied unhelpfully. “You could be…Grimy.” 

“Prongs, Moony, Wormtail and Grimy? I don’t think so,” Sirius said. It didn’t sound right on his tongue. 

“Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs,” Remus said. “It flows nicely, don’t you think?”

“Padfoot? Where did that come from?” James asked curiously. 

“I don’t know…dogs have pads on their feet? It just sounded right.” 

“Well, I like it,” Sirius declared proudly as he flourished his quill. Above the flowing script of the title, he added ‘Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs are proud to present.’ 

“I can’t believe we’ve done it,” James murmured, staring at the final product. 

“Wait, one last thing!” Remus said as he picked his wand back up and muttered another incantation. He finished with a smirk. “Now if anyone tries to look at it without the password, the map will spew insults at them.” 

The boys chuckled at Remus’s creativeness. Sirius looked around the table and felt an overwhelming surge of pride for what they had just completed, for what they had accomplished this year alone. Their loyalty to one another was a bond he thought nothing could break, evidenced by their complete disregard for Wizarding laws when they had become unregistered Animagi for Remus’s sake – and maybe, a little bit, because they thought it would be fun. Then _this_ , this ingenious piece of magic that had become their pride and joy. The amount of planning and magic that went into this map was astounding and Sirius had never met a more dedicated group of students. His heart was so full of love for these boys he thought it would burst out of his chest. They were the very best friends he could have ever hoped for.


	3. The Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t give him any ideas, sweetheart,” James chided her affectionately. “He might just think I’m someone worth looking up to.”

**_James_ **

*

He didn’t know how this happened, how things could spiral so quickly out of control. He knew there was a spy in the Order; too many close calls and worse, too many nights where someone didn’t come home, for it to be merely a coincidence. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought of it, had to convince himself that it was not one of them, not one of his brothers. 

He had been lucky, though he had been ambushed more than once. He could have died but he didn’t. He stuck with Sirius as his partner, brothers in arms, and they had each other’s backs. He knew he could trust Sirius with his life.

He heard a soft sigh and he turned back towards the bed, where the dim glow of the candles illuminated her face. In the midst of chaos, he found his anchor and he finally felt grounded. He was no longer an immature, brilliant teenager hell-bent on revenge and humiliation. He was an adult now. He was a father. 

He looked at Lily cradling their newborn son, Harry, and he felt tears prick his eyes. He smiled at them lovingly and then, so tenderly she could barely even feel it, he ran the back of his hand along her flushed cheeks. 

“He’s perfect, Lily,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the sweaty crown of her head. She beamed in response and entwined her fingers with his, pulling him closer. He knelt beside her on the bed and rested his cheek against her forehead, glancing down at the sleeping boy. 

The smile on Lily’s face hadn’t left since the midwife had handed her the boy, swaddled in a blue blanket, and James thought she had never looked so beautiful. 

“You’re going to be a hero one day, my handsome boy,” Lily whispered as she nuzzled the downy hair atop his head. “Just like your father.” 

“Don’t give him any ideas, sweetheart,” James chided her affectionately. “He might just think I’m someone worth looking up to.” 

She kissed him then, softly, and he was pliant to her touch. “You will be the best father any boy could hope to have,” she reassured him, her lips caressing his with every spoken word. 

He offered her a shaky smile and said, “I hope so.” 

It was late, nearing midnight, so they were startled out of their quiet little bubble by a commotion downstairs. James shook his head in exasperation when he heard Sirius’s loud, demanding voice. He got up from the bed and made his way towards the staircase and downstairs, excited to see the remaining Marauders crowded in their small living room. They were all looking at him in anticipation. 

“So?” Sirius asked. “Boy or girl?” 

James grinned as he embraced Sirius. “Boy. Harry James Potter,” he replied proudly. “He has my hair and we’re hoping he has Lily’s eyes – can’t tell for sure yet. God help us if he’s an exact replica of me. He’s perfect.”

Remus laughed, though it was strained, and hugged James. He ruffled the unruly mop of hair on James’s head affectionately. “Let’s hope he doesn’t get your hair.” 

“It’s not that bad,” he muttered indignantly, trying to flatten it without success. Then he said quietly so only Remus could hear, “It’s good to see you, mate. It’s been a while.” 

Remus could only frown and nod. James noticed he looked tired and old; he had dark smudges under his eyes and his honey brown hair was streaked with grey. James knew he had been busy with secret missions for the Order and had been unable to communicate with them, but it still hurt. He felt like this war was testing the very limits of their friendship. If something happened to any of them…it was a thought he couldn’t bear to think. 

“Hey, Wormtail,” he said, turning to the last Marauder. Peter hugged him quickly and offered his congratulations. “Thanks. How have you been?” 

Peter shrugged though he too looked uneasy and worn out, like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Can’t complain,” he said. “Been keeping busy.” 

James nodded. He knew all about keeping busy, a method he used frequently to try and keep his mind off all the death and destruction. 

“Can we go see him?” Sirius begged, his eyes alit with excitement. It was the first time in two years that James had seen Sirius sincerely happy. The war didn’t leave much room for happiness. 

“Yeah, yeah, come on,” James said, motioning to the stairs. Sirius bounded up them like a dog and James frowned because he couldn’t even remember the last time they had been Animagi together. 

“Hello, beautiful!” Sirius exclaimed, swooping in to kiss Lily’s check. “Can I hold my godson?” 

James and Lily had sat down months ago to decide who would be the godfather of their unborn child. There was no hesitation when James suggested Sirius, knowing he could rely on him. If there was anything James had learned about his brother, it was that he was loyal almost to a fault. If he could trust Sirius with his life, he could trust him with his child. 

It was difficult, though, when he had to tell Remus and Peter his plans for his child’s future. They listened to him, as he knew they would, with a quiet acceptance. But he felt like it was another blow to their friendship, another severance he couldn’t mend. 

Lily’s eyes were fluttering open and closed with weariness, but she passed Harry into the arms of his godfather a little reluctantly. “You’ll be such a bad influence on him, Sirius,” she said softly, looking at them affectionately. 

“Of course I will be,” Sirius replied. “I’ll take Harry on his first motorcycle ride and teach him how to ride a broomstick.” 

“You will do no such thing!” Lily exclaimed. 

Sirius winked at her and then passed Harry onto Remus. Remus looked nervous as he cradled the baby in his arms.

“You’re doing fine,” Sirius reassured him before adjusting his arms to hold Harry’s head correctly. “You’re not going to drop him.”

“How do you know how to do this?” Remus asked, pointing his head towards Harry who had begun to whimper slightly in his sleep. 

“I stayed with Andy and Ted for a summer and helped with Nymphadora when she was born.” 

Harry stretched, his eyes scrunched tightly closed and his tiny fingers curled into fists. Remus smiled down at him. “Do you want to hold him?” he asked Peter, who was shaking his head.

“I would definitely drop him,” Peter explained. “Babies and I don’t mix.”

“Speaking of babies,” Sirius interrupted, “I heard Alice and Frank had a boy yesterday. Not sure what they named him though.” 

“Harry has a little birthday friend,” Lily cooed as Remus placed the baby carefully in her arms. “It would be nice to have someone to grow up with, wouldn’t it, my darling boy?”

James settled down on the bed again and sighed contentedly. Staring at his beautiful wife and son and being surrounded by his three best friends, he felt at peace, undisturbed by the war raging around them. He wished it would stay this way forever.

*

The peacefulness James had felt only a few days earlier was shattered. Lily was shushing and rocking a crying Harry in her arms, and though she tried to hide it, he could read the fear on her face as she absorbed what Professor Dumbledore had just told them. 

Professor Dumbledore had arrived unexpectedly on their doorstep that morning with a grim look on his face. He offered congratulations on the birth of their son but James could tell that this was not just a social visit. 

Once they had ushered him inside and offered him a cup of tea, which he gladly accepted, Dumbledore had gone on to explain that in early January he had interviewed a woman by the name of Sybill Trelawney. Though he was disappointed she did not possess the same Divination skills as her great-great-grandmother, Cassandra, Dumbledore had been thinking of dropping the subject from the curriculum anyway. However, as he was dismissing her, she went rigid and spoke as though she were in a trance.

“She was making a prophecy,” Dumbledore had said, “about the defeat of Voldemort.” 

James had felt his breath catch in his throat and a myriad of emotion coursed through him: excitement that they would see the end of Voldemort; relief that perhaps the war was almost over; and dread that he wouldn’t like what he heard. “What did she say?” 

Dumbledore recited the prophecy perfectly and carefully. “The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches. Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…”

“What does it mean?” Lily was asking. “Born as the seventh month dies? The end of July? But that’s when Harry was born. You can’t possibly mean…” she trailed off, afraid that she was on the right track.

Dumbledore nodded solemnly. “It is my belief that the prophecy refers to one of two families: you, of course, and the Longbottoms, who also had a son on July 30th.” 

“He’s just a baby! He can’t possibly defeat Voldemort,” Lily cried. “How much longer is this war going to go on for?”

“Lily, please calm down,” James pleaded with her. Harry could sense the tension in the room and had begun to cry. 

“Now, Lily, we do not know for certain which family the prophecy refers to. But I must ask that you remain safe. Don’t trust anyone except those closest to you. A Death Eater has also heard the prophecy, so no doubt Voldemort is aware of it. You must be vigilant and careful if you are to survive this war.” 

“My son will not be a pawn in this war,” Lily said, her voice cold and detached. She was a mother, protecting her young. 

“You may not have a choice in that matter.” 

*

James found that life with a newborn wasn’t all sunshine and kisses. Harry was a pretty happy baby during the day but he never could sleep through the night. James tried to help Lily out as much as he could, but the extra hours he put into the Order drained him of time and energy. He struggled to get out of bed in the morning. Ever since Dumbledore had stopped by months ago to inform them of the prophecy, James and Lily had felt like a huge burden was resting on their shoulders. 

On top of not sleeping and worrying about the safety of his family, James wasn’t dealing with the stress of long days very well. James found himself snapping at Lily over trivial things, starting fights for no reason other than to see how loudly they could scream at each other. The tension was palpable, stifling even, and James felt like a prisoner in his own home. 

“You feel like a prisoner?” Lily had screamed at him one night. “I can never leave the house for fear that someone will try to kill Harry or myself. You try staying home all day and night with a colicky baby while trying to keep a clean house and have a warm dinner on the table for a husband who never comes home when he says he will.” 

James felt guilty, but he didn’t apologise. He was doing his job. He couldn’t just leave in the middle of questioning Death Eaters of Voldemort’s plans just so he could eat a warm dinner. She just didn’t understand. 

Then one night, he didn’t go home. He found himself standing in Sirius’s tiny kitchen drinking straight out of a bottle of Firewhiskey. 

“This is good stuff,” he said, wincing as he felt the slow burn of the alcohol. It left a trail of warmth from his tongue down to his stomach and James finally felt himself relaxing.

Sirius took a swig and seemed to be scrutinising him carefully. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he demanded. 

“What makes you think there’s anything wrong?” 

Sirius gave him a look of disbelief. “Well, you’re here for one, instead of at home with your wife and baby boy. And two, you haven’t drank since Lily found out she was pregnant with Harry.”

“We’ve been fighting,” he admitted. “About the prophecy and my long hours at work. Harry won’t sleep through the night and I think we’re just tired and stressed.”

“James, let me give you a piece of advice, okay? All couples fight. I think you’d be abnormal if you didn’t.”

James sighed as he reached for the bottle again. “Yeah, but this is worse than any fight we’ve ever had. What if she leaves me and takes Harry with her?” 

He finally said it, the thought that had been at the forefront of his mind for weeks. It terrified him. Sometimes, though he was too exhausted to move, he laid awake in bed just to listen to Lily breathing beside him. 

“Lily loves you,” Sirius said. “She wouldn’t leave you and she wouldn’t take Harry away from you. Just talk to her. Apologise for whatever you did, then kiss and make up.” 

James didn’t respond immediately. He looked around the cramped kitchen, examining the mismatched pots hanging above the stove and the dirty dishes in the sink. There was a plate at his elbow covered in crumbs and smears of jam. He frowned, thinking of Lily complaining about not having time to clean the house. The guilt was eating away at his stomach, his nerves were frayed, and he felt raw and exposed. He thought he might be sick. 

“What if it’s not that easy?” he asked, afraid of the answer. 

“You keep trying. Lily’s a saint for putting up with you, so you don’t let her go without a fight. You hold onto that one as hard as you can, James.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he replied, nodding. “I’m going...I’m just going to head home, I think.” 

Sirius tilted his head back and gulped down what was left of the whiskey. He burped and wiped his mouth with the back of his forearm. “Good idea.” 

The two men embraced and Sirius saluted James with the empty bottle as he Disapparated. With a loud _crack!_ , James appeared just outside his home. His feet crunched on the fallen leaves as he walked up the pathway and he opened the door to a dark and quiet house. He slipped his shoes off by the door and hung his coat on the rack before trudging upstairs. 

He reached Harry’s room first and peered in to see the boy sleeping soundly in his crib. He gently pressed his lips to Harry’s head and watched him sleep for a few minutes, taking comfort in the steady rise and fall of his chest. 

Through the curtains, slivers of moonlight stretched across their bedroom. His eyes adjusted to the light and he noticed Lily asleep in their bed, curled up on her side with her arm flung over onto his side. He smiled fondly as he undressed quickly and picked her arm up to slide beneath it. The movement woke her.

“James?” she murmured sleepily, blinking slowly. He was saddened to see that she had been crying. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” he whispered. He entwined his legs with hers and put a hand behind her back, pulling her closer. He kissed her, sweetly, trying to pour as much emotion into it as he could. “I’m sorry,” he said as he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. “For picking fights with you, for being late to dinner. I don’t deserve you right now but I hope that one day I can say that I do.” 

He was absently tracing patterns on her bare skin, nothing more than feather light touches with just the tips of his fingers. She squirmed a little but she didn’t say anything, just stared at him with her wide, green eyes. She exhaled and James could feel the breath on his cheek. _She’s still here_ , it reminded him. 

“Where have you been?” she finally asked. “I was worried...afraid something happened.”

“I just went to Sirius’s for a drink. I should have told you.”

She nodded but again, she was silent. James slid his hand further up her back, palm flat against the ridges of her spine. He swallowed hard before kissing her again, this time more urgently, a little bit more desperately. “I’m sorry,” he murmured again and again as his lips followed a path from her temple to her chin. Then he breathed, “I love you,” and she broke. 

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, and James could taste the salt of her tears on his tongue. She clutched him closer to her. “I hate fighting with you. Please don’t leave me. I love you,” she babbled. 

James choked back his own tears because he hated when Lily cried, especially if she was crying because of him. He leaned up on one elbow and wiped her tears with his thumb, cradling her cheek in his hand. “Please stop crying,” he begged. “I hate to see you cry.” 

She apologised again and James chuckled. “Silly girl.” 

“We should have talked about it,” she was saying.

“I know.”

“Instead we let all that hurt and anger simmer until it boiled over. We can’t...we can’t do that again, James.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll try harder next time to communicate better with you, I promise.” 

She sniffled a little but offered him a tiny smile. “I’ve missed you.”

He said, “I didn’t go anywhere,” but he knew what she meant. 

“I love you so much,” she whispered. James could feel her lips against the pulse in his neck and he sighed.

“Forever,” he assured her. 

*

They celebrated Harry’s first birthday with little fanfare. Just the three of them and Sirius, of course. They sat outside because it was a beautiful, sunny day and it helped them forget for just a moment that they were in the midst of a war. 

“It’s a baby broomstick!” Sirius exclaimed when James helped Harry unwrap his present. Harry was more concerned with shoving the paper in his mouth than the actual present. “So he can learn to fly early, and when he’s old enough he can be on the Quidditch team like dear old dad.” 

James thanked Sirius for the thoughtful gift, but all he could think about was, _well, at least Harry’s made it one year_. The Death Eaters had upped their attacks on both the Potters and the Longbottoms, trying to kill the young boys before they could potentially destroy their master. They couldn’t even sit outside, like they were doing now, without casting dozens of protective charms and spells. 

Lily had demanded that James cut back on his hours working for the Order, preferring him to be at home where she could keep an eye on him, where she could make sure he was still alive.

“I won’t have my son growing up without a father,” she hissed angrily, and James didn’t have the heart to tell her no. 

“Why couldn’t Remus and Peter be here?” Lily asked as she helped Harry unwrap a present Remus had sent by owl earlier in the day. It was a collection of children’s books. 

“Remus is on a mission,” Sirius said, though judging by the tone of his voice, James could tell Sirius didn’t believe that. 

Lily huffed; she too picked up on Sirius’s disbelief. “Don’t tell me you think Remus is the spy.”

“You don’t think he’s been acting shifty lately? He disappears for days at a time without a word to anyone about what he’s doing. Plus, Peter said he heard rumours that Remus had been seen talking to other werewolves.” 

“Maybe he’s trying to convince the werewolves to join us,” James suggested.

Sirius scoffed. “Werewolves are Dark creatures. Everyone knows they have already joined Voldemort’s forces.” 

“Sirius!” Lily gasped. “Remus is your best friend. How could you even...”

“Maybe not anymore,” he replied darkly. 

Lily couldn’t even look at him. She ran her fingers through Harry’s hair, which, unfortunately for them, looked exactly like James’s and was just as unmanageable. “After all these years, after everything you have all been through, you’re just going to turn your back on him?”

“He turned his back on us first!” Sirius exploded, and Harry started crying. Lily shot Sirius a dirty look and kissed Harry’s face until he started giggling. 

“What about Peter?” Lily asked after she had gotten Harry to settle down. “He’s absent just as much as Remus. Does he tell you everything he’s doing?” 

“Please,” Sirius snorted. “Peter’s an open book. His loyalty is obvious. Besides, he’s too much of a coward to work for Voldemort. He would probably piss his pants if he ever met him in person.” 

Though Sirius made valid arguments, James wished he could defend Remus; they were brothers, after all. Wasn’t there a rule somewhere that you couldn’t betray your family? The idea that Remus could be the spy, it made his stomach churn.

James hated war. What good would a life of freedom from a maniacal Dark wizard be if you couldn’t even trust your best friends? 

*

Lily loved Halloween. James thought it was just because she had a sweet tooth, but he enjoyed the feasts she enjoyed cooking for the holiday so he never said anything. Lily still spent all day cooking this year and sneaking pieces of candy whenever she thought James wasn’t looking. 

They felt more at ease tonight than they had for months. A few nights prior, they performed the Fidelius Charm at Dumbledore’s urging. Things had become dangerous and it was apparent that the Potters were Voldemort’s primary target. Now they were hidden and James felt at ease, knowing his family was safe. 

Sirius was the only option he thought of for their Secret Keeper. He could never explain their friendship; even though the four of them were best friends, James and Sirius’s bond ran deeper than that. He trusted Sirius with his life and his family. They had it all planned out, until that night when Sirius showed up with Peter in tow. 

“Voldemort would never suspect Peter,” Sirius had said, his eyes wild and desperate. “Don’t you see it’s the perfect ploy? You choosing me would be so obvious. _Please_ , James.” 

James never could say no to Sirius. 

Harry gurgled happily as Lily kissed his nose, twirling around the kitchen with a wooden spoon in hand. 

“Come dance with me, James,” she laughed, holding out her free hand. 

“You know I can’t dance,” he protested, but she just shook her head and grabbed him anyway as they shuffled around the kitchen. 

He pouted when he stubbed his toe on one of the table legs and said, “See?” She just giggled and he silenced her with a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed the top of her head as they swayed to a song only they could hear. 

With Harry in bed and the news on the radio a faint murmur in the background, James pinned Lily to the wall just outside the kitchen. He grinned down at her. “I never did thank you for cooking that delicious dinner,” he murmured against her lips. 

She shoved him away playfully. “I can think of a few ways you can thank me,” she said coyly, wrapping her tiny hands around his and pulling him towards the stairs.

James paused at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at Lily who was standing a few steps above him. “What?” she asked self-consciously. James could already see the blush making its way from her neck up to her cheeks. 

He shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “Just...I love you, that’s all.”

She smiled and James was reminded of why he fell in love with her in the first place. “I love you too,” she replied. 

When they were half-way up the stairs he stopped again. “Wait,” he whispered, feeling uneasy.

“If you tell me you love me one more time…” she started jokingly, but then she turned around and saw his face. “What’s wrong?” she demanded. 

James looked back down the stairs and then up at Lily again. “Something doesn’t feel right,” he muttered. “Wait here for a minute.” 

“James!” Lily called, but he was already downstairs and looking around for what caused his unease. 

He didn’t want to think it, couldn’t wrap his head around what was staring him right in the face. “It’s not possible,” he whispered to himself. 

Something moved out of the corner of his eye and James turned towards the window, only to see a shadow standing in front of their house. His heart started thumping anxiously in his chest as he fumbled to pull his wand from his pocket. He dashed back towards the stairs and he grabbed Lily fiercely, kissing her hard. “He’s here,” he said frantically. “You need to take Harry and _go_.” 

“Go where?” she asked. “Where are you going?”

They heard their front door blow in. 

“James!” 

“I love you,” he said and pushed her back up the stairs, towards the nursery. “Please, Lily, save our son. I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same.” 

She looked at him with tears in her eyes, but she obeyed like he knew she would; just like a mother protecting her young. He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself. The bitter sting of betrayal kept his wand steady as he walked back down the stairs, ready to meet his fate.

*

**_Peter_ **

*

He knelt beside James’s dead body. There were no tears of remorse, no guilt to be had. He did what he had to do. He found Lily’s body where he expected her to be – in the nursery protecting her son; her son who was still alive and staring at him with tears running silently down his chubby cheeks. He wasn’t screaming or crying, just staring at Peter with his mother’s eyes. 

He thought there would be nothing to gain by fighting for the Order except for death. He didn’t expect this. 

He found Voldemort’s wand by the crib and he quickly seized it, fearing the worst should the Ministry find it. He couldn’t be implicated in their deaths. No one would know…except for Sirius. But Peter knew Sirius, knew how deep his loyalty ran with James, and he expected Sirius to come after him once he found out what happened. When he did, Peter would be ready.

*

He scurried through the streets of London, crowded by Muggles and wizards alike. News must have already started to spread about Voldemort’s defeat. He shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and hunched his shoulders against the cold wind. 

“Pettigrew!” He heard his name being called loudly over the din of the crowd. He stopped to see Sirius glaring at him from across the street, a murderous look on his face. 

“Sirius!” Peter cried out, walking towards his friend. Sirius paused for a moment in confusion because Peter wasn’t trying to run or deny what he had done. People stopped to watch their confrontation. “How could you betray Lily and James like that? James was like a brother to you. They trusted you!” 

Sirius’s eyes widened as he realised what Peter was doing. He opened his mouth to deny the accusations but for once in his life, Peter was quicker than him. He whipped his wand out and muttered a blasting curse. He heard the screams of the people who were too close to mind their own business but he didn’t care. They were simply casualties of war. He used his wand to cut his finger off, choking back a cry as the spell cut through flesh and bone and then morphed into his Animagi, again muttering his thanks that he could morph into something small and inconsequential. He dropped to the sewers and escaped the scene unnoticed, leaving an enraged Sirius to deal with the aftermath.

*

It ended with a rat.


End file.
